Evolving at the Speed of Life

On Second Thought...

Shortly after I first moved to Manhattan I was having breakfast at a diner on the west side with a friend.  Small place.  Maybe 12 tables.  I noticed an elderly man eating by himself.  He was well dressed.  Sunday best, so to speak.  He had spread one napkin on the table to use as a placemat, tucked another into his collar and was eating his meal.  I was overwhelmed.  I thought it was so incredibly sad that this man was by himself.  That at this stage of his life he had nobody to spend Sunday with.  Recent events in my life sparked this memory, and I have a new appreciation for how fortunate this man was.  He was mobile, self-sufficient and perfectly happy to sit at the diner and read the Sunday paper.  Not all of us will age as gracefully.

Aha! Moment: Thoughtful Dieting

There are points in your life when you realize time is not infinite.  That if you're going to make changes the time is now.  Or never.

Four years ago I quit smoking.  Cold turkey.  There were compelling reasons.  The point is that cigarettes no longer control my every waking thought.  My life is not controlled by a little white stick that could kill me.  It amazes me that I can't take the same attitude toward food.  Inconceivable really that a bag of pretzels has control over me. 

This is not exactly a revelation.  I have spent much of my adult life trying to figure out how to lose weight.  No carbs.  Detox with a maple syrup/lemon juice/pepper cocktail, which I'm sure is yummy.  Pay $25 a month and keep a diary of what you eat.  Blah blah blah.  Whether the routine is reasonable or not, I will usually find a way to fall off the wagon.  Also not news.  The point is, if 1,000 people can concoct 1,000 different diets, and if I consider myself to be at least as smart as they are, why can't I figure this out?

Having spent a good long time thinking, and having tried almost every reasonable and unreasonable weight loss plan, I've put together a short list of guiding principles that can be applied to make any diet program successful.  Here are my Eleven Commandments...

1. The picture of the fat person on the refrigerator won't help.  My mind works like this..."Well, I have a LONG way to go before I look that bad!"  Also, a picture of a 20-something hardbody won't help.  I'm never going to be 20 again, so I tend to give myself permission to not delude myself.  And use that as an excuse to wander off course.  If you must use visual aids you can put up a picture of an age-appropriate fit person. 
2. Prepare!!!  Make a standing date with yourself on Sunday night and look at the week coming up.  Plan what you're going to eat.  At home plan what you're going to eat.  Make a list, shop the market and prepare the food as much in advance as possible.  For example, chop up ingredients for a salad and put each ingredient into a plastic bag in the fridge.  It keeps the vegetables fresh and it really is much easier to eat a salad when it's already prepared than thinking about coming home from work and chopping vegetables.    Take the same approach for for dining out.  One great thing about the internet is that many restaurant menus are online.  If you decide what you're going to eat in advance you don't even have to open the menu at the table.  No temptation.  Sounds simple, but it really works.
3. Water - Water - and more Water!  You've heard it a million times, but water can be tremendously helpful.  It fills you up.  Drink a bottle before a meal and see what happens.  It keeps you hydrated and your metabolism engaged.  And even if you think it won't do anything for your weight, you should see what it can do for your skin!
4. If you cheat on your diet it's not a free pass to inhale everything in the refrigerator because you can start over tomorrow.  It's a little like leaving New York City and driving to Montauk. You continue west when you meant to go east.  When you realize you're in Omaha it's a long way back to start.  Rule of Thumb:  If you just can't resist and you cheat, eat one and step away from the kitchen!  Walk out of the room!  Go for a walk!  Take a shower!  Anything!  But don't have another one!
5. THINK before you eat.  Take a deep breath and really think for two minutes.  I mean literally...stop and consider what you're about to consume.  Think about whether it's going to  really satisfy.  In my experience after I wander out of the diet yard I usually regret it instantly.  To steal a famous quote...a moment on the lips, forever on the hips.  Ammended...and you won't remember what you ate.
6. Hand in hand with this last point, Tune in to the foods that make you hungrier.  The ones that satisfy you for a minute and then leave your stomach growling.  Mostly carbs and sugary food for me.  One Tootsie Pop begets another and another and another.  But when I know what these food are I can develop a game plan.  Either I contract with myself to have only one, or I associate the food automatically with an alternative.  For example, if I want a Tootsie Pop I will buy one at the newsstand instead of a bag from Duane Reade.  If I want chocolate, I'll have a Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich.  Equally satisfying.  No big regrets.
7. They're not going to stop making (insert food here) tomorrow.  If you pass on the cheeseburger you can be reasonably sure they'll still be serving it in a few months when you've achieved your goals.
8. It's not a sin to leave food on your plate, despite what you were told as a child.  Yes, there are people still starving in the 21st Century.  If you want to help them, donate money.  Sending them your leftover pasta will do absolutely no good.  At all.  Stop when you're full, or commit to eating half when you're at a restaurant that is known for extra large portions.  If you take a doggy bag you can use it for tomorrow's lunch.  Of you can share one main course with a friend for forced portion control.
9. Eating is not entertainment. Movies are entertainment.  Theater is entertainment.  For me sometimes shopping is entertainment.  But not every social occasion must involve food.  Get creative and avoid the "Meet me at The Palm" plan.
10. Do Something Physical Every Day.  I recently started working out three times a week with weights.  The other four days I either hop on a treadmill or take a long walk in the park.  It's really interesting.  It's so hard to get started, but once you do your body actually starts to crave the exercise.  If every day seems too daunting at first, commit to every other day.  I bet you're up to every day within no time.
11. And finally, commit to a target date and a realistic goal.  Whether you have a wedding or a reunion or are just planning a vacation, focus on the date and what you'd like to wear to the event.  If you have nothing coming up, plan something.  The reward system works as well now as it did when you were a kid.

I am going to lose 10 pounds.  I will accomplish this by December 15th.  A little more than 3 months.  Stay tuned...

Phase I: Stop the Madness

In the town of Nantucket you can buy bluefish pate, local produce and khakis that aren't from The Gap.  On Martha's Vineyard you can bead necklaces with semi-precious stones in a beachside shack and eat homemade ice cream.   Long Beach Island.  Rehoboth.  The Eastern Shore of Maryland.  All equally quaint and charming. 

In East Hampton you can buy a Gucci bag.  Buy Jimmy Choo shoes.  Buy Christopher Fischer cashmere.  Buy jewelry at London or Tiffany.  Buy shirts with giant embroidered ponies at Ralph Lauren.  Buy a Swarovski crystal studded dog leash at Canine Ranch.  Sensing a theme here?  Yep...not much like any other beach town I've ever seen either.

I walked around town tonight and I had an epiphany.  Listen, I love a great pair of stupid high, way sexy shoes.  And the odd ridiculously expensive handbag.  But the thrill lasts about as long as a crack high and then I'm back at the shopping thing.  I've made the decision to stop the madness. 

Change #1:  Get on a budget.

Regrouping in Paradise

I'm on the verge of making some changes.  Truth be told, change is not my best event.  I haven't done it all that well in the past.  Lots of anxiety and high drama usually go hand in hand with disrupting my status quo.  But...I'm determined to break the pattern and have "excused myself" from real life to enjoy two weeks at the beach.  East Hampton to be exact.  And trust me when I say there is  virtually no place on earth more removed from reality than this place.

I wonder what the colonists had in mind when they purchased land from the Montauk Indians in 1648.  My guess is they were thinking more about creating a renewable food supply...as in "let's grow corn here".  Not "Hey, this would be a great place for over-indulged city folk with too much time and money to come hang out."  Silly colonists.

East Hampton is like no place else.  For starters, the town beach...Main Beach...is on the list of best beaches in the country every year.  This year it ranked 7th.  Interestingly this east end of Long Island has two beaches on that list; the other is Coopers Beach in Southampton.  Main Beach has something for everyone.  Of particular interest to me are the snack bar and the restrooms.  This in itself makes for a best beach in my opinion. 

Beyond the beaches, East Hampton has it all...fabulous, excessive wealth (my rented house, which we've named "The Crapshack", is on the flight path to the private airfield), a struggling middle class and year round residents who live below the poverty line.  The people who live here have to drive 45 minutes to a Costco, but if they are so inclinced they can buy everything they need at Citarella on Main Street for a fee.  There are spectacular estates with elaborate gardens, and illegal day laborers lined up near the railroad station in the hopes of picking up a job.  Bentleys, BMWs and Bugatis sit in traffic alongside pickup trucks. 

Yes, this is exactly the spot for a reality check.

Quote of the Day

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. - Christopher Morley

Is It Live, or Is It Memory?

There's an art gallery in Toronto that I really like.  Birch Libralato.  I first saw the gallery in 2004 at the Affordable Art Fair in New York and have since purchased a few pieces.  Recently I acquired this painting by David Kramer.  Kramer is fairly quirky and most of his recent works are drawings accompanied by thought provoking text.  I have another..."Why can't I grow old gracefully.  Like wine or land."  Another post, another discussion.  But, the first time I saw the piece pictured here it drew me in.  First I laughed, but as I kept thinking about it I realized it is more profound than funny.

When I look back I think about the places I've been and the people I've met.  A lot of those memories are pretty vivid.  For example, I remember once sitting outside my apartment building in Queens with the boy who lived next door.  The Bungalow Bar ice cream truck was pulling away.  I was 4 and he was 6.  My mother was yelling at us from the apartment window because she said no ice cream and he was arguing (at 6) that it was a fudgsicle, which wasn't really ice cream.  I remember ditching high school and jumping in a car with an older boy to join an anti-war protest at C.W. Post College.  My mother was not pleased.  Oh, and then there was the birthday in Acapulco and the salad bar with my cousins David and Robin.  Robin relived that one for a good long time, if you know what I mean, so I know she remembers it!

But, every once in a while I'll get into a "Do you remenber when we..." conversation with a friend.  I can go chapter and verse into the detail, and my friend will look at me like I've lost my mind.  Their memories are different.  Not a little different, mind you.  Vastly different.   

On January 4th I was watching CBS Sunday Morning.  They were doing a segment on memory.  The research psychologist, Elizabeth Phelps, compared it to a game of telephone.  Just like in that game...where something is repeated from person to person around a circle until the last person has to repeat it out loud...every time we replay memories we can alter them slightly based on where we are in our lives at the point when we are reliving the memory.  Very interesting stuff.

Stay tuned.  I'm going to do a little research!

The 50 Things List Is Growing!

Tonight I got home late and decided to tackle my closet. (Note to self: Don't start a project like this at 11 PM or you will NEVER get to bed!) Anyway, I took no prisoners and have added the following to my 50 Things list...

1. Shoes & Boots I haven't worn in a while (or ever)
2. Handbags that I "had to have" that I "wouldn't wear on a bet" now
3. Exercise clothes that look like wardrobe discards from the sequel to Saturday Night Fever
4. T-shirts (wow...I really will have to think long and hard before I purchase those as souvenirs again!)
5. And a classic....shoe dust bags that come with every pair of good shoes and that I never, ever use

I'm up to 10 things. Tomorrow I plan on tackling the sock drawer!

Focused on 50 Things

My friend Patricia often puts together groups of really interesting people to join "Learning Circles" and hear from accomplished speakers on a variety of topis. Recently Gail Blanke spoke at one of these events. Gail is a Life Coach with an enthusiastic following and it was one of the most enlightening evenings I've spent in a long while. One of the key insights of the evening was the need to let go. I think we all know, intellectually, that hanging on to the past is not healthy. But what really intrigued me was Gail's first step toward really letting go in a meaningful way. She suggests that her clients go home and throw out 50 things. That is not 50 items, but 50 things. Like the pile of 50 magazines is one thing. And the old keys that are in the junk drawer. So I decided to take up the challenge. This may take a while given how overwhelming a task it is for me, but here's the start so far...

1. Electronic accessories and manuals for electronics I no longer own
2. Unnecessary or irrelevant files, like my gym contract from 1998
3. Unused hair product
4. Old cosmetics
5. Old dog leashes (donated these to the ASPCA)

Phew...10% there! Stay tuned for updates...