Evolving at the Speed of Life

A Significant Date

Four years.  Four years since I met some of the most remarkable people I've ever known.  Four years since I had to make big decisions fast.  Four years since I found out what family and friendship really means.  365 days to go.

On Second Thought...

Shortly after I first moved to Manhattan I was having breakfast at a diner on the west side with a friend.  Small place.  Maybe 12 tables.  I noticed an elderly man eating by himself.  He was well dressed.  Sunday best, so to speak.  He had spread one napkin on the table to use as a placemat, tucked another into his collar and was eating his meal.  I was overwhelmed.  I thought it was so incredibly sad that this man was by himself.  That at this stage of his life he had nobody to spend Sunday with.  Recent events in my life sparked this memory, and I have a new appreciation for how fortunate this man was.  He was mobile, self-sufficient and perfectly happy to sit at the diner and read the Sunday paper.  Not all of us will age as gracefully.

Finding A Cure: How Many Kids Does It Take?

Yesterday I participated in the inaugural Hope Walk to raise money for Autism United, a new organization that provides support services for people with Autism on Long Island, New York.  Proceeds from the fund raiser will fund two initial projects...the Harvey Weisenberg Resource Center and a comprehensive study of people with Autism in the region.  This is a pilot program that will influence services and research nationally,,  My team...Sophie's Team, in honor of my niece...raised more than $12,300 from friends and family.  The organization as a whole raised more than $82,000.  I thank everyone who participated either with a donation or moral support.  As a first effort for a start up organization it was spectacular!

In 1988 the masses were introduced to the idea of Autism with the release of Rainman starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman.  Bob Wright, former Chairman of NBC Universal, and his wife Suzanne were the force of nature that created Autism Speaks.  In the last few weeks Jenny McCarthy has been on the talk show circuit talking about her new book, Louder Than Words chronicling the story of how her son is recovering from Autism.  (By the way, she has been emphatic about using the term "has Autism", as in "has a disease", rather than "is Autistic" as in defining a personal trait.)  Holly Robinson Peete is also speaking out about her son's struggle with Autism.  Cathy Moriarty, Chaka Khan, Joe Mantegna, Anthony Edwards, Didi Conn.  All have family members who are afflicted.

Personally, I can think offhand of 15 people in my life with family members who are afflicted.  Every day they talk to doctors and therapists and teachers and holistic healers and anyone else who can give them direction and hope.

As to be expected, there are dissenting views.  Autism Speaks merged with Cure Autism Now (C.A.N.) and there are many who feel the organization leadership is tied too closely to corporate health care and pharmaceuticals to be objective about the potential link between vaccinations and Autism.  Most of their research to date seems to have focused on genetics.  Others are investigating older fathers, testosterone in the mother's womb, and related theories.  Others think the preservative in the vaccinations...thimerosal, is a mercury-based compound used to prolong the efficacy of the vaccines...is the reason.  And others thing the vaccinations can trigger a genetic pre-disposition to the disease.  It will take a long, long time to sort all of this out and find effective courses of treatment for the 1 out of 150 kids on the Autism spectrum. 

One thing is clear, though.  There are families out there who are in desperate need of guidance.  Like the couple with a child that is exhibiting all of the signs but they are in denial.  And like the woman who has been getting advice from her son's school to have him tested and can't wrap her mind around the potential diagnosis.  Autism United was created for them and other families like them.  There is a family in Mineola, New York who has a daughter with Autism.  Recently she left the house before dawn, crossed a major intersection, climbed up on a truck and stayed there until the driver showed up at 7 AM for his shift.  They are a family of modest means.  Autism United is guiding them through the New York State bureaucracy.  It turns out that the state will pay for installation of alarms and fence in the yard so they can sleep at night. 

Yep...Sunday was a great day!

Aha! Moment: Thoughtful Dieting

There are points in your life when you realize time is not infinite.  That if you're going to make changes the time is now.  Or never.

Four years ago I quit smoking.  Cold turkey.  There were compelling reasons.  The point is that cigarettes no longer control my every waking thought.  My life is not controlled by a little white stick that could kill me.  It amazes me that I can't take the same attitude toward food.  Inconceivable really that a bag of pretzels has control over me. 

This is not exactly a revelation.  I have spent much of my adult life trying to figure out how to lose weight.  No carbs.  Detox with a maple syrup/lemon juice/pepper cocktail, which I'm sure is yummy.  Pay $25 a month and keep a diary of what you eat.  Blah blah blah.  Whether the routine is reasonable or not, I will usually find a way to fall off the wagon.  Also not news.  The point is, if 1,000 people can concoct 1,000 different diets, and if I consider myself to be at least as smart as they are, why can't I figure this out?

Having spent a good long time thinking, and having tried almost every reasonable and unreasonable weight loss plan, I've put together a short list of guiding principles that can be applied to make any diet program successful.  Here are my Eleven Commandments...

1. The picture of the fat person on the refrigerator won't help.  My mind works like this..."Well, I have a LONG way to go before I look that bad!"  Also, a picture of a 20-something hardbody won't help.  I'm never going to be 20 again, so I tend to give myself permission to not delude myself.  And use that as an excuse to wander off course.  If you must use visual aids you can put up a picture of an age-appropriate fit person. 
2. Prepare!!!  Make a standing date with yourself on Sunday night and look at the week coming up.  Plan what you're going to eat.  At home plan what you're going to eat.  Make a list, shop the market and prepare the food as much in advance as possible.  For example, chop up ingredients for a salad and put each ingredient into a plastic bag in the fridge.  It keeps the vegetables fresh and it really is much easier to eat a salad when it's already prepared than thinking about coming home from work and chopping vegetables.    Take the same approach for for dining out.  One great thing about the internet is that many restaurant menus are online.  If you decide what you're going to eat in advance you don't even have to open the menu at the table.  No temptation.  Sounds simple, but it really works.
3. Water - Water - and more Water!  You've heard it a million times, but water can be tremendously helpful.  It fills you up.  Drink a bottle before a meal and see what happens.  It keeps you hydrated and your metabolism engaged.  And even if you think it won't do anything for your weight, you should see what it can do for your skin!
4. If you cheat on your diet it's not a free pass to inhale everything in the refrigerator because you can start over tomorrow.  It's a little like leaving New York City and driving to Montauk. You continue west when you meant to go east.  When you realize you're in Omaha it's a long way back to start.  Rule of Thumb:  If you just can't resist and you cheat, eat one and step away from the kitchen!  Walk out of the room!  Go for a walk!  Take a shower!  Anything!  But don't have another one!
5. THINK before you eat.  Take a deep breath and really think for two minutes.  I mean literally...stop and consider what you're about to consume.  Think about whether it's going to  really satisfy.  In my experience after I wander out of the diet yard I usually regret it instantly.  To steal a famous quote...a moment on the lips, forever on the hips.  Ammended...and you won't remember what you ate.
6. Hand in hand with this last point, Tune in to the foods that make you hungrier.  The ones that satisfy you for a minute and then leave your stomach growling.  Mostly carbs and sugary food for me.  One Tootsie Pop begets another and another and another.  But when I know what these food are I can develop a game plan.  Either I contract with myself to have only one, or I associate the food automatically with an alternative.  For example, if I want a Tootsie Pop I will buy one at the newsstand instead of a bag from Duane Reade.  If I want chocolate, I'll have a Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich.  Equally satisfying.  No big regrets.
7. They're not going to stop making (insert food here) tomorrow.  If you pass on the cheeseburger you can be reasonably sure they'll still be serving it in a few months when you've achieved your goals.
8. It's not a sin to leave food on your plate, despite what you were told as a child.  Yes, there are people still starving in the 21st Century.  If you want to help them, donate money.  Sending them your leftover pasta will do absolutely no good.  At all.  Stop when you're full, or commit to eating half when you're at a restaurant that is known for extra large portions.  If you take a doggy bag you can use it for tomorrow's lunch.  Of you can share one main course with a friend for forced portion control.
9. Eating is not entertainment. Movies are entertainment.  Theater is entertainment.  For me sometimes shopping is entertainment.  But not every social occasion must involve food.  Get creative and avoid the "Meet me at The Palm" plan.
10. Do Something Physical Every Day.  I recently started working out three times a week with weights.  The other four days I either hop on a treadmill or take a long walk in the park.  It's really interesting.  It's so hard to get started, but once you do your body actually starts to crave the exercise.  If every day seems too daunting at first, commit to every other day.  I bet you're up to every day within no time.
11. And finally, commit to a target date and a realistic goal.  Whether you have a wedding or a reunion or are just planning a vacation, focus on the date and what you'd like to wear to the event.  If you have nothing coming up, plan something.  The reward system works as well now as it did when you were a kid.

I am going to lose 10 pounds.  I will accomplish this by December 15th.  A little more than 3 months.  Stay tuned...

Phase I: Stop the Madness

In the town of Nantucket you can buy bluefish pate, local produce and khakis that aren't from The Gap.  On Martha's Vineyard you can bead necklaces with semi-precious stones in a beachside shack and eat homemade ice cream.   Long Beach Island.  Rehoboth.  The Eastern Shore of Maryland.  All equally quaint and charming. 

In East Hampton you can buy a Gucci bag.  Buy Jimmy Choo shoes.  Buy Christopher Fischer cashmere.  Buy jewelry at London or Tiffany.  Buy shirts with giant embroidered ponies at Ralph Lauren.  Buy a Swarovski crystal studded dog leash at Canine Ranch.  Sensing a theme here?  Yep...not much like any other beach town I've ever seen either.

I walked around town tonight and I had an epiphany.  Listen, I love a great pair of stupid high, way sexy shoes.  And the odd ridiculously expensive handbag.  But the thrill lasts about as long as a crack high and then I'm back at the shopping thing.  I've made the decision to stop the madness. 

Change #1:  Get on a budget.

Regrouping in Paradise

I'm on the verge of making some changes.  Truth be told, change is not my best event.  I haven't done it all that well in the past.  Lots of anxiety and high drama usually go hand in hand with disrupting my status quo.  But...I'm determined to break the pattern and have "excused myself" from real life to enjoy two weeks at the beach.  East Hampton to be exact.  And trust me when I say there is  virtually no place on earth more removed from reality than this place.

I wonder what the colonists had in mind when they purchased land from the Montauk Indians in 1648.  My guess is they were thinking more about creating a renewable food supply...as in "let's grow corn here".  Not "Hey, this would be a great place for over-indulged city folk with too much time and money to come hang out."  Silly colonists.

East Hampton is like no place else.  For starters, the town beach...Main Beach...is on the list of best beaches in the country every year.  This year it ranked 7th.  Interestingly this east end of Long Island has two beaches on that list; the other is Coopers Beach in Southampton.  Main Beach has something for everyone.  Of particular interest to me are the snack bar and the restrooms.  This in itself makes for a best beach in my opinion. 

Beyond the beaches, East Hampton has it all...fabulous, excessive wealth (my rented house, which we've named "The Crapshack", is on the flight path to the private airfield), a struggling middle class and year round residents who live below the poverty line.  The people who live here have to drive 45 minutes to a Costco, but if they are so inclinced they can buy everything they need at Citarella on Main Street for a fee.  There are spectacular estates with elaborate gardens, and illegal day laborers lined up near the railroad station in the hopes of picking up a job.  Bentleys, BMWs and Bugatis sit in traffic alongside pickup trucks. 

Yes, this is exactly the spot for a reality check.

A Dive into the Gene Pool

My family tree is a little bit diseased.  I mean, if we were actually a tree we'd probably be cut down.  But we're people so we get to suffer through by way of adventures and tangles with the medical community.

I am a cancer survivor.  It was found quite by accident, though early, and after surgery and a short round of treatment I was declared cancer-free and have remained there.  The most interesting part of the experience was the fact that I've known for years, and have indicated as such on every form in every doctor's office I've been to, that my family is rife with colon cancer.  What none of those doctors connected was the fact that this history could be an indicator for my cancer. 

Last year my Aunt underwent genetic testing as a result of her own experience with cancer and shared the results with the rest of the family.  What a shock (not) to learn that we are all at risk for a hereditary gene "mutation".  Not exactly earth shattering news given the multiple family plots.  So I pursued genetic testing on my own and, yes...I am a member of the family.  The upside of all this is awareness and a personal guide book on health care management. 

Remember when you looked to your doctor for all of the answers?  When you went to the office, got your physical, were proclaimed "healthy" and sent home for a year?  Or you found out you had something and they said "Here's what we're going to do"?  Nostalgic, isn't it?  In today's world of managed healthcare, medical office profitability studies and outrageous malpractice insurance costs the average doctor visit is 15 minutes. Most often those 15 minutes are spent with a Physician’s Assistant. It seems even the best doctors practice factory style these days.  My doctor's office employs 11 Doctors, 9 Physican Assistants, 1 Physical Therapist, 1 Biofeedback Specialist and...get ready...47 in Office Staff.  It's a long way from Drs. Turner and Rand in Plainview, New York.  They practiced out of a private home.  Two doctors, one nurse, one receptionist.

Each of us has to take an active role in our health care, maintenance and treatment.  It's not enough to say "What's wrong with me?"  We have to readjust our thinking and be prepared to research, to question and to challenge our doctors.  One of the most productive practices for me has been keeping a 3-ring binder of all my medical information.  I started it as soon as I was diagnosed and that binder now contains literally every scrap of paper, including notes, insurance claims, test results and prescriptions since October 2003.  It's been enormousely helpful.

Years ago my AOL colleagues and I envisioned a world where we would manage our health records online and seamlessly transfer the information from doctor to doctor.  Of course this unearthed a multitude of security and privacy concerns.  Not to mention the daunting task of changing the behavior of care providers and introducing them to the joys of automated file management.  In the final analysis it became clear that if we regular people were to really get ourselves organized around our healthcare we would have to do it on our own.  Revolution Health is worth a look.  This new website was conceived and executed under the management of Steve Case and allows users to store their medical information and prepare and print documentation prior to doctor visits.  It also facilitates community so you can interact with people and share ideas, concerns and even treatment options.  Sometimes it's a simple matter of giving someone the courage to get tested when they'd rather not hear the results.  Community can be a very powerful motivator.  I'm sure there's more to say about the site, but I'm just starting to explore.

My mutation and I are getting along just fine.  We've readjusted our health maintenance plan and, armed with information, we know that we'll be just fine.

Don't Boil The Ocean

With a nod to Paul DeBenedictis, this is some of the best advice I ever got. Sometimes you can look at a situation, a project, your life and all you see is how much work needs to be done before you can see results. And more often than not you can't get past "start" because all you focus on is the long road ahead. I've learned to break it down into little bits and bytes and focus on small victories.
For example...the ever popular dieting dilemma. How many times have you started and stopped and started again? Joined a gym only to blow it off and ultimately figure out that, in the end, it cost you $500 per visit? At the end of January I acknowledged that summer is literally around the corner and all I was doing was complaining about my inability to diet. I was stuck at "start". So I made a deal with myself to make a commitment to the month of February. One short month. 28 little days. And that at the end of the month I would assess my progress and decide if I should go forward with the "project". I'm closing in on the end of the first 7 days and I have to say, so far so good. Focusing on the near term accomplishments and little wins is keeping me focused. I won't get on the scale until February 28th, but my jeans fit a little better already.
Stay tuned for updates! If this goes well I may (don't faint) add in a commitment to the gym for the month of March!